6000 Horses

Staring at 6000 horses with a beer in hand and ear plugs in your ears has me very excited. Yall tune in to the Thunder Valley Nationals this weekend and see what this stuff is all about but if you really want your ass kicked come feel it. I can't wait. Wow, the beer population in Abingdon Va will be decreasing this weekend and I have some pretty good company helping me kill those beers. Here's my predictions:

Top fuel - Troxel
Funny car - Scelzi
Pro stock - Anderson
Most beer - Septer

If any or all of these predictions are wrong, who gives a shit, I'm on vacation!

Phoenix Golf - 4/26/06

Wednesday's lower than normal temperatures did not phase the Phoenix crew as we battled through another week of golf. Armed with our new covert coolers we took to the links without the headache of dripping golf bags and warm beer. The Phoenix crew is in mid-season form and are posting some scores worthy of a Sportscenter highlight reel. A new feature has been added this week, all birdies will be shaded red & pars shaded green to recognize the great accomplishments of the week. Bogies are the norm so they get no recognition.

A little clarification on my birdie on #6. I hit my first ball a ton off the tee but sliced it into #4 and thought I had lost my ball. I tee up another and hit it and it lands a little right of the fairway. I go searching and can't find my first ball and decide to hit my second tee shot. It lands 10 yards in front of the green. On my way to my ball, I come across my first ball and decide to play it instead. I hit and it lands 6 feet from the hole and I birdie out. If you think I'm a cheating bastard then please feel free to click on comment at the bottom.

Here are some "Crash action photos" as Big A would say.

Bus putting on #8 for a bogey. What's up with Big A and Bus dressing the same.

Big A putting on #9 for a double.

84 Degrees & Sunny

Here are some scores from our outing this weekend. Smyrna Golf Course is in perfect shape if you look past the fact there's very little grass on the faiways and there were a couple extra ponds on the course due to the storms during the past week. But who plays on the fairways anyway! Red joined us out this weekend for his third or fourth time ever to play a round of golf and he picked up on a couple tips I gave him. For instance do not assume a 6 pack is going to last 9 holes. Very important to learn that early on. Special thanks to Big A and Bus for being more prepared than we were. Maybe in the near future we won't have to prepare a cooler to sneak beer on the course.

On a lighter note, I'll let yall decide what this conspiracy is all about.

Phoenix Golf - 4/19/06

First off, I apologize for how the scorecard looks. I have no clue why it looks this way but you can click on it for a more clear picture.
* All scores are unofficial due to miscalculation, club-length drops, alcohol, mulligans, and lying.

Another beautiful Wednesday allowed us to hit the links this week and it was nothing short of comical. Let me give a big "Hell Yah!" to Bus for his birdie on the first hole. After his tee shot literally rolled off the tee box for a wopping 64 yard drive, he pulls out his wedge and like the guys on Sportscenter say it "nothing but the bottom of the cup!" Awesome shot to say the least. In contrast, I drive the green on #8 and three put. My ball is within 15 foot of the cup and I f&%$ it up. Gotta love it. I think a jogger/walker may have stole one of Mr. Don's golf balls due to him almost hitting her with it. Can't wait till next Wednesday. Fore!!!

Special thanks to Big A for providing his homemade cooler to keep the suds cool while we played. I'm hoping next week to have one of these bad boys.

Come on, sing along with me "where everybody knows your name". Yes it was off to McCabes for a little dinner & to uphold our (what Big A calls) Norm Status like Norm at Cheers. Special K joined us out & brought along Ms. Amy (hopefully single..wink wink). Good food & better company as always. Adios...

Fishing Tales

My dad said the second greatest day in a man's life is when he buys a boat and the greatest day is when he sells it. I believe he was referring to the trouble & cost of upkeep & maintenance. My buddy Big Mike ran into a little of that this past weekend. After we landed a couple huge 4 oz. perch, we decided to find another spot to fish. Go to take off and the boat never planed out. After a brief inspection, we notice the engine compartment looks like a live well with all the water in it. A boot on the shifter cable had a huge hole in it allowing gallons of Percy Priest in the boat.

But every dark cloud has a silver lining. Preceding our fishing, we did get to spend a little time in party cove where there is no shortage of alcohol, bikinis, steroids, and whatever else people do to make themselves happy. Michelle, a member of the "Gittin' Wood" bowling team, hopped in the boat with us three ugly dudes and instantly the boat looked a whole lot better. A helluva sweet girl and is very easy on the eyes.

I guess even though a boat can be a pain in the ass, when you get to reel in a couple of fish and have some beautiful ladies on the boat, it's all worth it. Thanks Big Mike. And thank you dad, no telling how many time we went out on your boat till you ran out of beer and I never paid a dime. I'm such a bum!

Phoenix Golf - 4/12/06

I present to you, this weeks scores from beautiful Percy Warner golf course. Percy Warner is a metro course and doesn't allow any alcoholic beverages on it's grounds. This applies to everyone except the starter's buddy who was throwing one back while they sat and chatted. That tells me it's B.Y.O.B next week. This was the first time any of us had played this course and it showed. Between me slicing my drives in the woods, all of us hitting our drive's on #1 into the street, & Mr. Don almost amputating some kid at the knees, it was an interesting maiden voyage. It plays a lot tighter than our normal course which made it a lot of fun.

Here's the layout that I made from Google Earth. I couldn't find the course layout anywhere else. Notice #2. Whoever thought a 90 degree turn would be a good idea was wrong. Mr. Don cut that hole from 411 yards to about 230 yards....Cheater!

After golf it's off to McCabe's Pub. Almost every Wednesday for the last year we've stopped in out there. F.Y.I. - if you sit at the bar when Big A is present, beware. If he starts counting people at the bar, everyone should be ready for a shot or shooter of something. The man's relentless. He has to sit in his cube and take shit from people all day, so when he gets out of his cage, watch out! Anyway, if you get a chance to stop in at McCabe's on a Wednesday or any day, DO IT!

Randumb Junk

This fella is probably a good guy but there is no way he goes out in public with his head shaved like that. Geez, get a grip! I posted this in response to a comment the captain made on my blog. Click here & scroll down a little on one of my previous posts & read where I start talking about snowy Bristol & then read what the captain comments.

Here's a picture of a goat me & Big Mike seen on an Island close to Fate Sanders Marina on Sunday. An acquaintance told us that someone from the marina brought it out to the island and dropped him off. She also said the goat likes beer. I saw someone had built him a little shelter which made me think "someone is taking care of this guy" but then I thought with all the drunks flying around on the lake, nothing would surprise me on how "good" a goat would be treated. Very sick....

Phoenix Golf - 4/5/06

Here's the score from the North course at McCabe's. It looks like next week we'll have to move to another course. Not because we shot so bad, but because the Tee Time Reservation Nazi gets on our nerves. "No tee time for you!"..

I unveiled my new clubs this year, a $100 set from Wal-mart. My old clubs resemble the Medicus golf clubs after I wrapped me car around a tree and they were in the trunk. They looked fine till I went to use some of them. It's pretty embarrassing to get set up at the driving range, get all loosened up, only to pull your driver out of your bag to discover it's now in two pieces.

Oldy But A Goody

The Phoenix Golf season kicked off Wednesday with a few small bumps in the road. All in all, everyone shot well (scores to be posted soon). We were allowed only 6 holes before we had to return the carts due to darkness, but had a good time. Evidence of that are shown below..

Bus, one of the better guys I'll probably ever meet, is sometimes the ass of some jokes. One of which may not seem very funny when you see it on Americas Funniest Home Videos, but in person can be quite entertaining.

This joke has been in the works since Christmas when Big A recieved an exploding golf ball from Special K (Bus' daughter). These pics are from a video shot by Big A & hopefully we'll get a link to it soon.

After distracting Bus, Big A replaced the ball on Bus' tee with the exploding ball & the images that follow are record of what happened next...

"I'm gonna crush this ball!"

"Kaaboooom!"

"Huh?!?"

Like I said, if you weren't there, it probably doesn't seem as funny as being there. But to have a prank in the works for 4 months & pull it off, that's priceless. After his shot Bus replies "that was my best shot all day". But he made up for it with a blistering worm burner that went 73 yards straight as an arrow. No disrespect to guys with testicular problems, but check your balls before you swing at 'em.