Phoenix Golf - 8/30/06

Well, this may be the last Phoenix Golf scorecard I post for a while as it seems more and more like a hassle to get on the course for nine after work. For the last two weeks there's been some middle school matches being played in front of us and it sucks waiting for so long between hacks. The Phoenix Crew may take it's beer and move elsewhere.

Big A did send a message to the group in front of us when we were hitting our second shot on #8. At about 50 yards from the pin Big A pulls out his nine iron because beyond the pin, at about 100 yards, stands the group in front of us tee-ing off on nine. We were joking about hitting into them when I turned and I heard "told ya", only to look up and see a guy weighing in around 3 bills doing a belly dance to avoid Big A's ball bouncing off the cart path up his nose. No punches were thrown.

I'll keep the Phoenix Crew fans informed about next Wednesday and what athletic road we choose to keep us entertained.

Golf Gag

At the beginning of our golf season this year, we surprised Buster with an exploding ball. I distracted him by asking if a wallet I found on the ground was his. Low and behold it was mine, but that was enough distraction to switch Bus' ball that he had already teed up. Here's the video to prove it. Nobody turns their head now when they have their ball teed up. Enjoy...

Sorry for being so lazy about posting these scores. I know the Phoenix Golf fans have been anxiously waiting for a scorecard. I couldn't let this week slide by being the best score I have ever posted. Remember kids: you don't have to hit it like Daly or Woods when your putter is working for ya.

Some of the Phoenix Crew also played in a scramble this weekend supporting the Christiana Middle School Baseball Team. Big A, Chris (bassist from Skullkin) , Captain Dick, and myself teamed up at the Blackberry Ridge golf course in Shelbyville on Saturday. We cheated just enough to finish first in the second flight which is kind of like winning the N.I.T. basketball tournament or being the winner of the losers bracket.


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Bowling Anyone?

Everyone is invited out for a night of Bowling on Friday night. I haven't heard if there is a set time to show up or not, but I will try to arrive somewhere between 5:00 & 6:00. The old Watson's building has been turned into a Bowling Alley and the report from the Captain is that the beer is cheaper than at Smyrna Lanes. I forget who all I have invited but if you are reading this blog, consider this your invitation. Below are a map and some written directions:

From Nashville - Take I-24 East and exit at Old Hickory Blvd. Turn left on to Old Hickory Blvd and the lanes are on the left. You may or may not have to turn on Owen Drive, but I trust you will figure it out.

From Murfreesboro - Take I-24 West and exit at Old Hickory Blvd. Turn right on to Old Hickory Blvd and the lanes are on the left. You may or may not have to turn on Owen Drive, but I trust you will figure it out.

From Chapel Hill - Pack a cooler full of Beer and ice. Go to Captain's house. Follow him.

From Knoxville - Stay at home

Eventful Weekend

Pictured below is the Titan Bus (Short bus, Titan Tank....) sitting on I-24, westbound in Murfreesboro. Yes, you're right thats a funny place to park it unless your throttle cable snaps when you are trying to get up to speed on the on ramp. From what I understand, it is a motherf&%$er to get over 3 lanes of traffic full of assholes when your short bus is idling and coasting to a stop.
Not to fear, Jonathan (Not so Fat Terry Bradshaw) rigged us up a hand operated throttle cable from some component on the engine, thru the firewall to be operated from inside the bus.

So, let's see, one hand to steer, one hand to accelerate, and one hand to shift gears. How in the world are you supposed to answer your phone or eat a cheeseburger. Actually driving this bus requires 2 people (preferably sober). Pictured below is Hoghead, preparing to get the bus back home 'cause anywhere is better than the I-24 on ramp. Titans lose 19-16.

After a Saturday night Titans game and a little tailgating afterwards, 5:00 A.M. comes awfully early. With an 8:00 tee time at Montgomery Bell Golf course in Burns Tennessee, me and the Captain had to get on the road pretty early and meet Big A and Bus at the course. Other than our golf games, we were not disappointed. The course was a nice change from the old Smyrna Municipal. We began to think we were playing at the Burns City Zoo after about 9 holes. Big A just about had his sights zeroed in by the eighth hole as he put a drive right on a doe walking across the fairway but missed by inches. This guy walked out on number 15.

Among the wildlife, there was a little golf played. Here we see the Captain with all his fixes, you know - Beer and Cig while he putts. If he ever wants to be like John Daly, he's gonna have to find a way to work some pills or a slot machine out on the golf course with him to go along with the "Currs and Saggerts".
As for the scores, I think we all shot about 3 beers on the front and 3-5 beers on the back.

Phoenix Golf - 8/09/06

The Phoenix crew headed out to Percy Warner with nothing but blue skies overhead and a light breeze to keep us from overheating only to be rained out an have to leave after 5 holes. But, on the post below, I have linked some videos of our various swings for y'all to enjoy.

Wanted: Golf Lessons

Here's Bus after a drive straight down the middle on number 2, setting him up for a easy poke right on the green from about 130 out...or maybe not. Parental Descretion is advised.

This is my drive on number 4, a pretty straight hole for about 225 yards then it doglegs left. I hit a patented Caulkboy drive (better known as a slice) and ended up in pretty good shape to punch my next shot on the beach.

Big A decided not to hit off of a beer can this week and it payed off. He placed the ball perfectly in the middle of the faiway and followed that up by hitting his second shot over the green.

K.T.

Introducing K.T., the dog with the 30 pound tail. This tail can put dents down a car and he really loves to smack people around with it. K.T. is the perfect height to nose-butt you right in the jewels and laugh about it. On the left side of the picture are a couple of his toys. He's pretty good at catching a toy on the fly and is willing to suffer through a bloody mouth to do so. Those softballs aren't so soft.

K.T. got his name from a 70's model Kawasaki trials bike that dad rides. In the recent weeks, K.T. has inherited a new name. In your best baby talk voice he likes "K.T. cocksucker". It doesn't sound very nice but he loves it.

But anyway, if you ever get to meet K.T., wear a cup and be prepared to throw your arm out playing toss.

Phoenix Golf - 8/02/06

The Phoenix crew braved the near oven-like conditions and risked their lives and health to battle the Percy Warner Golf course on Wednesday. Actually we played at a very leisurely pace and kept plenty of beer in our system in effort to beat the heat. There were at most 4 cars in the parking lot when we pulled in and the starter said there were only 2 twosomes on the entire course. When you hear that you start to wonder how dumb you are for playing on a hot and muggy day like Wednesday. All things considered, the scores turned out pretty good and by the end of the round we had sweat out all of the beer we drank.

Don't worry about Mr. Don, I think he's been working later than usual. I didn't want any of his fans to worry.